Differences and Interest Levels

If Augustine would have written his memoir as a novel, I will admit that I would have read it with more enthusiasm. However, I don’t think his arguments would have come across so clearly. In fictional memoirs situations are presented in which their meaning is not fully interpreted until the reader has gained more insight later on. Therefore, one cannot truly grasp exactly what is the meaning of a certain situation. For example, in "Invisible Man" an event happens (like Mr. Norton’s reaction to Trueblood’s account) where the narrator doesn’t explain to the reader why this event is of importance. Because the narrator is not there to intervene and explain occurrences, the reader is left to continue reading and extricate the importance of situations and find patterns to understand what it is that the narrator wants you to realize about occurrences. Yet in "Confessions", Augustine presented his situations (like the stealing of the pears) and then proceeded to explain why this situation was so important in his life.

As a reader, I like to be challenged and figure things out on my own. Therefore I like that Ellison presented this story as a novel. With "Confessions" I felt as if I was being “spoon-fed” Augustine’s ideas without being allowed much room for self-thought. But with Ellison, I am allowed to ponder upon what it is that Ellison wants us to understand and I am given much freedom to come up with my own conclusions.

If Ellison would have written under a non-fictional memoir then I think I would have still read with interest (because some of the moments in the book are pretty interesting) but I don’t think I would have read with much curiosity. What I mean is that I wouldn’t have been as interested in his story. This may sound bad but I would have seen it as just another guy writing in a straight-forward way about his life. The difference is that my interest levels would have been lowered.

Catholicism and Racism

I definitely think that changing the genre of Augustine's and Ellison's respective books would change not only the perception that these books received by their audiences, but also their significance. Ellison is writing at a time where I do not think a personal account of his encounters with racism and his problems with society would be appropriate. As fiction, Ellison is able to convey a theme and a story that many people will learn from whereas a true, personal history would seem very critical and be not as acceptable, though it would relay the same message, to the audience. Though Ellison integrates his personal experiences in The Invisible Man, it is not the same as a personal- history, and it also would not be as effective for the time in which he is writing. The Civil Rights Movement is just about to begin at this time, and it is important to remember that even though blacks were legally given the right to vote, they still faced grandfather clauses that limited the amount of blacks that actually voted. If Ellison were to have written a deeply personal account on racism in American society, I think that it would not have been as widely received as his novel due to the fact that many were unwilling to realize the amount of discriminatory practices and unjust acts that were still occurring against African Americans in the North and South at the time. However, since Ellison used fiction as a tool to gain the attention of many, and in doing so he was successful by winning the National Book Award, I think that he revealed many of the difficulties that the African Americans faced to a wide audience that did not only consist African Americans, but also of many whites, too.

Now on to Augustine. I think that Augustine's book would have been A LOT easier to read if it was fiction. But, that is only because I have only read philosophy once in tenth grade. Regardless, it would have also been different in other respects. For instance, a fictional account of Augustine's life would not have seemed legitimate as a way to convert more people to Catholicism and to convey to the higher level Catholic clergy that Augustine really was a devout Catholic who had a revelation from God. Augustine's main point about receiving divine intervention would have seemed fake if he had structured his book as fiction, and his struggles with temptation would have just been as a way to move the plot along. However, since Augustine used a book to convey personal confessions and his view on Catholicism it was seen as more credible and able to influence more people since it was him being brutally honest to his readers.

Therefore, as is the same case with Ellison, due to the purpose and the period that these authors are writing it was important for them to select the perfect genre in order to a) appeal to their respective audiences, b) attain some form of success from writing their books and c) convey an important message to society about their experiences and in doing so calling for some type of change. In Augustine's book he was calling for change in the sense that he wished for more people to change their religious views and take on Catholicism, and in Ellison's view he is calling for America to stop its discriminatory practices towards blacks in order for equality to ensue.


ps: check out this excerpt from the PBS version of Invisible Man, I had heard that it was really good, and I, too, think that it is. a good depiction of the first chapter.

The Magnanimous Father, Societal Symbols... Monuments Reflection

As we visited the monuments on Wednesday, I think one important question to ask was:

Why are people flocking here? Essentially what they come to view are pieces of stone and marble. Shaped into Lincoln, for example, they are statues, artwork, symbols.

It was my first time at the monuments, and while I had not read up on the history and background Lincoln’s Memorial, thus losing out on one “dimension,” I have to say observing the reactions of visitors still made for a meaningful, 4-D experience. Consciously annotating certain popular quirks, instead of staring blankly and nodding approvingly at the marble, was enlightening.

The interviews were a brilliant idea (kudos Justin!). Amidst many people whose visits were justified by the must-see-things-DC guidebook, answers were generic. True, it’s “beautiful” and “grand,” “powerful,” and a picture might be worthwhile for the scrapbook. Thankfully another variety had actual input, as well as an in-depth analysis. Meeting with art students analyzing architecture and young professionals questioning the verity of Lincoln’s presentation granted us an insight to how, why, and based on what concepts the Memorial was constructed.

The story-based sharing format in Friday’s class also helped answer why groups and individuals do certain things, especially when facing inanimate objects of rock that symbolically represent something to them. I was especially struck by the Vietnam Vet’s left purple heart. Wouldn’t it be incredible to catch the individual in the sentimental act of placing it? What was his purpose, what was the connection he had felt, and the sacrifice he felt comfortable to take?

Also, is there a specific amount of time after which a monument gains such a robust significance?

I hate being sick.

I'm sick again. I just spent the entire Sunday in bed, wishing I wasn't. Being sick is one of the most awful things. But do you know what's worse? The Redskins losing to the Lions, effectively ending the Lions' 19-game losing streak, and cementing the Redskins role as those guys that lost to one of the worst teams in the history of football. I can't believe it. I mean, I knew the Lions had to win sometime, I just prayed that it wouldn't be us (Although, in the back of my mind, I knew it would be).

nI have always been a Redskins fan, and fortunately (and mostly unfortunately) that means I can never be accused of jumping on the bandwagon. I wish I could laugh scornfully in the face of a wannabe fan, spraying him with my righteous spittle, and say,"Ha! You whippersnapper, I was a 'Skins fan while you were jumping on the 90's Packers bandwagon, or the 00's Patriot bandwagon!" I'd really love to. The Redskins have been consistently mediocre since the last time they won the super bowl, in 1992. Sure, they've been a wild card here and there, or they had a surprising run in the postseason, but really, they haven't done much in my lifetime. Although, the joy and exhilaration after so many years of heartache would be that much sweeter. Yeah, maybe that's it! The Redskins are just pretending to be bad to lull the other teams into a false sense of security! Next year we'll show them, we'll show them ALL, HAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAA!!! Sadly, I know this to be untrue, and however much I wish for it, it ain't happenin'. Ah well, we'll get it back; all we need it a franchise quarterback. We've got all the pieces, we just need the glue...

Monuments, Temples, & a Little Bit of Baseball

Last Wednesday, when we went to go see the monuments, was so hot! It was really humid!! Anyways, just wanted to get that out of the way. I felt a little funny standing in the Lincoln Memorial considering that the last time that I had seen that monument in daylight was about six years ago. I really loved the Lincoln Memorial but with the Vietnam Memorial I was left a bit. . . disillusioned. It was very nice but I felt that the memorial shines even better at night. In the morning it looks so straightforward and formal. But at night, there's something so somber and I guess you can say almost majestic about the memorial. Granted, there was nothing majestic about that war. It's just that the black walls with the engraved names shine so beautifully at night with lights pointed at them. The names are accentuated and that's when you truly realize the vast amounts of people that perished in the war. Whereas in the morning, the light creates a glare in the wall that hides some of the names.

Going back to our class discussions on Friday, Prof. Jackson asked a question regarding the Lincoln Memorial that I came up with an answer for after class. We were talking about how the memorial created an identity of a sacred temple. Prof. Jackson then went to ask if there were any details that helped enforce that identity. I couldn't think of anything at that moment but it was later in the afternoon (in my Interpreting Literature class to be more precise) that I realized that there were two things that immediately struck me that helped re-inforce that idea of a temple and treating it as an almost sacred place. One, the signs placed at the entrance that asks visitors to be quiet and respectful while in the memorial. When I first saw this sign, I asked myself, why? Why have this sign placed here yet you don't see this sign placed on the WWII memorial? Shouldn't the WWII memorial also request for peace and quiet? Also, the Lincoln Memorial is one of the only memorials that I've seen that has security guards on duty 24/7. Why? Yet it's these two details that allow for the Lincoln Memorial to hold an essence of a sacred temple. It is because of them that tourists who enter whisper to each other and control their kids from running around all over the memorial; therefore, creating the mood that this place is one that should be treated in a sacred way.

I can't help but to also reflect on the Braves vs. Nationals game. I know that the Braves aren't the most amazing team, but man did they suck on Friday. I mean, sure they won the game and yes, maybe they weren't playing against the most amazing team, but still! They had so many foul balls and some players who couldn't hit the ball. I was very disappointed in them. They played a better game earlier this spring during their training. Maybe it just wasn't their day. I still had fun though, complete with good friends, fireworks, and getting criticized by the people behind me for cheering on the Braves and not the Nats. To them I say, it's a free country!

Monumental Moments

Monuments serve the purpose to remember and reflect on either someone or something. That is what the monuments in Washington DC seem to do at first glance. However, after the process of observing, analyzing, and discussing the class' experiences at the monuments, I have come to a new conclusion: Washington DC's monuments say a lot without actually saying anything at all.

I think that the first time I went to the monuments my experience was in a way biased because I had a teacher from school explaining the significance of each one. However, this did not allow me to develop my own thoughts on the monuments and their placement with one another. After many years have passed and after having gone there without a tour guide, I was able to realize that not only does each monument's structure play a role in the identity that it represents, but the order of the monuments is also integral as well.

What I found most striking was the differences between the Vietnam and WW II monuments. The Vietnam one seems to have been placed far away from the rest of the monuments and I found this distance to be symbolic of our nation's desire to distance itself from this war in general. Not only that, but this monument is not at all appealing to look at nor is it inviting, and I think that this relays that it really was tragic that all of these soldiers died, as some would say even now, a lost cause. The reflective nature of the wall also forces one to feel a great sense of sadness when walking along the wall, and the way in which the monument curves up and down parallels the nature of the war, going from low- scale involvement, to full escalation, to taking troops out near the end of it.

Contrastingly, the WW II, particularly at night, is beautiful, and one forgets that it is commemorating the lives of all of those who were lost during the war. The circular structure of the monuments creates a sense of unity with all of the states being represented equally, so as to convey that every state and every person played an important role in WW II, and victory could not have been achieved without the nation coming together as one. Also, the WWII monument is inviting and people are actually able to sit in it, whereas the Vietnam was structured so as to keep one moving along the pathway.

Such differences between not only these two monuments, but all of them in general, I find striking, and though I was very skeptical at first about this ethnography process (and I am still very worried about the ethnography project) I think that it was a very interesting process to take part in.

Analyzing Autobios

How many times have people stated that they want to change the world as their life goal? Well, I want to do that too (how cliché)! But, I think that so many people desire to do so, including me, because it will allow them to be remembered after they are dead. I want my life to be in some sense eternal so that I know that my life was not meaningless and devoid of purpose, but rather I was important and continued to affect the lives of many even after my death because people would study my contributions to the world even after I was not on physically on it. Therefore, I think that in order for someone's life to be turned into an autobiography it does not necessarily have to contain drama, more so because the word drama has a bad connotation to me in that I perceive two girls trash talking each other in a hallway at school, but it has to have importance. Importance can mean that the person had a profound life- changing experience that was very important and influential to their lives, or it can mean that they actually did something important, like purposed a theory that changed the way that psychology was taught.

With this in mind, I would not want to live a life that did not merit an autobiography. Even if I did not write an autobiography because I was too busy changing lives than having the time to write about my own, I would hope that someone would consider my contributions to society as imperative toward progress in society, and that I did live a meaningful life. I strive to be able to leave a lasting mark on society; I want to do something profound with my life. I do not know what it is yet, and that is where my inner struggle arises, but I hope to live a life that is seen as an inspiration and noteworthy of a biography, whether it is written by myself or someone else.

Besides the statistics...

I honestly appreciated some pieces of advice Debra Humphreys had for us, even if the discussion of standardized testing only aroused resentment (and the clapping... obviously many had been in the same [data-driven] boat).

The first good point: Look for opportunities to gain practical and solid knowledge. Employers gain insight about you by evaluating your work, volunteering, and internship experiences.

As obvious as it is, I myself perpetually need to be reminded of the learning to be reaped outside of class.

The second good point: For now, it is impossible for you to know of jobs that will exist when you are looking for a job.

Primarily: this point is very pacifying. As intensely as we might research to find out what we want, we will not know everything about our career prospects. Thankfully, we don't have to, and we can't, know everything. We might as well take a breather. Uff. Relax.

Secondarily: visualizing a workforce in constant flux, with a myriad of (yet inexistent, or unheard of) positions available in 2013-2020, is inspiring. It means that you and I should not limit ourselves to a major that is "vocational," "viable," "plausible," or "job-worthy." It means that we can combine the two most unrelated majors that interest us. Physics and international studies. Astronomy and linguistics. History and neurology? In our careers, we might just be lucky enough to forge our greatest passions into one. This is not a uniform world we live in.

The gist is to, as Joseph Campbell once said, "Follow your bliss..." Even if you don't see the prospects so clearly yet, if you're happy about what you're doing with your life and education, you'll experience enthusiasm-overflow and attract more of the good things to you.

"... and the universe will open doors where there were only walls."

Awesome.

You know, the word "awesome" is terribly overused and terribly misunderstood in todays' modern lexicon. I am as guilty as the rest of you, calling things like cell phones or hot dogs "awesome". Too bad, too, because the word should be saved for special places and occasions like the grand canyon. But seriously, according to the definition of awesome, would anything you've seen recently qualify as awe-inspiring? When's the last time you saw something sublime, dropping your jaw and making you feel small and insignificant? Unfortunately, most people using the word suffer from a dearth of awesome-worthy objects to describe. I usually have nothing to legitimately say "awesome" about, but last wednesday, I had a great subject.

On wednesday, our tour of the national cathedral was an AWESOME experience. The cathedrals' soaring vaulted ceilings and gothic architecture left me in a constant state of awe. And amazing architecture aside, the fact that every stone in the ENTIRE building was hand-carved is astounding. To think that 80 years was spent on the cathedral's construction boggles the mind. I was so distracted that I even lost my hat. It was a good hat, too. I miss it. Anyway, I went in to the experience expecting another example of american expediency, and came out impressed and feelin' good.

Statistical Disagreements and Other Random Stuff

If I were giving a lecture on how the demands of education are constantly changing and I wanted to put in my personal input, I don't think I'd have a whole entire slide show dedicated and titled "Me". Debra Humphrey's lecture was an interesting one but I have to admit that the opening slide show entitled "Me" came off a bit self-centered. But then again, it was her slideshow.


There were some things I liked and there were some things I didn't like. The fact that she had been a first-generation college student made her someone completely relatable. I absorbed her advice with a higher sense of trust because like her, I am also a first-generation college student. However, I wasn't a big fan of her shoving statistics everywhere she could. I don't know why, but I always feel that whenever someone throws a statistic they are trying to maneuver around their argument without facing certain truths. I guess it's that with statistics there's always the exceptions. For example, she stated that one could guess a student's SAT scores by just looking at their parent's income. Thus, the relation would show that the higher the income the higher the score. Yet I went to a high school where there weren't many wealthy students but we still had a high amount of National Merit Scholars every year; so would these students be the exception? I did like that she stated that dedication and work are important factors for success. I've always been an advocate of this concept. Talent can only take one so far, one would have to be willing to reach and work for the success they wish to attain.


Overall I was pleased with the presentation. I felt as if the message that Mrs. Humphrey was trying to send was that success is one of the possible outcomes of hard labor. Whereas Danna Walker's presentation seemed to portray the idea that success is an outcome of luck and strategy. I think I'd rather go through my life depending on my own strengths rather than the unpredictable path of luck.

Amid Confusion

I really enjoyed Debra Humphrey's presentation. She was very honest about her own life and experiences, and it made it easy to discern her opinion and view on things. However, she worried me. She studied an entirely different subject in college than what she needed for the job she currently has. If I did that I would feel as though I wasted time and money, and I would not be happy. I wish I knew what I was meant to do now; I am too impatient and I already feel as though I may be studying the wrong subjects. I really do not want to end up taking courses that are impertinent to my future life, but at the same time I am hesitant to explore new courses that don't pertain to my major because every course that I take costs money, and then if I hate that class I realize I should not have elected to take it, and thus I would feel regretful because that money could have went towards another course that would actually be beneficial. I don't know if this attitude of being cautious when taking course stems from being a first- generation college student, just at Debra Humphrey was. Do people such as myself feel this way because we do not have parents who can provide answers about their personal collegiate experience? I just feel like everything is a mess right now. I hear some people saying that they really like their classes, but none of mine are that enticing, besides this one. Part of me misses the comforts of high school, even though I was so eager to leave because I did not have the daunting question of what job do I want to hold always hanging over my head. And I did not have the burden of thinking about money 24/7 since I went to a public school. I wish there would have been a better way to prepare for this all. I keep asking myself and others questions and everyone does not seem to possess the same answer and/ or there is no answer. I totally can relate to the feeling that Augustine possessed when he is having a crisis of faith and he keeps asking God questions, but only slowly and subtlety do the answers reveal themselves. The same is true for me because only over time will the answers actually become unearthed, but until then I will have to learn to be patient and continue to work hard. Because as Debra Humphrey said (which really left an indelible mark on me): "Success is more related to work than talent." This is reassuring because if there is one thing I do know it is that I can work hard, but I really do not know of any special talents that I possess.

"Can memory be both strategic and innate?"

All right, this question I will attempt to answer. As the other question, though the topic is striking, appears to me to have a clear-cut answer - of course, without your memory, you are not the same person. How else? I'll just say that physically, perhaps, but not mentally. Mentally you are a blank slate. I am not sure whether that would imply disorientation, innocence, lack of opinion... but I won't delve into these depths; I feel I'd echo fellow explorers' blog posts, anyway.

What I want to know... regarding Augustine's "strategic" recalling of events... have we yet determined his purpose?

(Awh, I wish it was "clear and obvious"!)

But, returning to my initial chosen question. What could an "innate" memory be defined as? Following class on Tuesday, Professor Jackson was explaining how some philosophers (was it Plato?) believed in the existence of a universal regard for the qualities of objects, such as, say, a table. That is, it was believed for people around the world to have an equal and internal perception of the physical qualities of an object like a table. Four legs, flat surface, made of wood, made of stone. Did I get that right?

Is that what "innate memory" is? In Augustine's perception, as well? Searching for happiness and recognizing what it is not he sets forth to exemplify such "innate memory" (that is, based on Augustine's claim that it can't be "strategic" because he's never been at bliss. Sad, really.)

But, what if we need not remember happiness to know what it is? What if we rather need feel it? I'd like to explore neurology in this topic, and propose that maybe our happiness is caused by the euphoria of an endorphin explosion, the joys of a dopamine blast. Perhaps we need not have the slightest memory or idea what it means to be happy.

Maybe as a human race we've considered happiness a mental state because we have no tangible proof of it but a smile on a person's face. We don't see the hormones in action. So, can happiness be a physical mode, yet impelled by thought and mentality (self-produced as well as reactionary to environment)?

Which is it? Is our happiness determined directly by our minds and souls? Or is it not transparent that our minds and bodies interwreathe, are conjoined and unified - if not are the same thing? It is obvious to anyone that the body looks and feels healthier when the mental state of being is exuberant with positive energy.

Well, let's try a different take on the topic of "innate" memory. For example, let's consider how we can tell apart the state of mental tranquility from mental turbulence. Now, is that part of our "innate" memory, and can we remember what peace feels like? Or is it, that we feel it because our bodies slow down, the heart rate drops, we enter a state of energetic recharge that will allow us to continue our daily function and physical survival?

.... of questions, twenty too many. :)

You are You?

If one were to forget all of his/her past, would he/she be the same person? Optimistic people, myself included, would love to say that you are you, no matter what. However, the other part of me that wholeheartedly believes in the "nurture" side of the "nature vs nurture" debate knows that this is impossible. If who you are is just an amalgamation of all your past experiences, then you could never be the same person. On the bright side, you'd still retain key factors (sarcasm!) in determining who you are; things like your mother's smile, your father's chin, and your grandmother's left earlobe!

Of course, I do believe that because you would keep all muscle memory and reflexes, you would quickly discover if you were a pianist or a black belt or a super secret black ops spy. Just going off of the aforementioned amazing movie (that I wont even name here because everyone should have already seen it at least a dozen times), your memories do not include languages spoken or skills gained. If that is indeed true, then much that makes you you is still intact. I won't say that you still are the same person, but you would still have more of yourself than most people blogging on this subject would say.

Augustine would say that your memories define you, no matter what you have done in repentance, so if one were to lose your memories, I wonder what he would say about that. If a sinner were to lose his memories, is he still a sinner? I would say no, because losing your memory is basically a moral clean slate. No experiences, no actions, no thoughts= no responsibility, right? It would make a quite a moral conundrum if a convicted murderer were to lose his memories. I wish ol' Augie were around today. He could comfort us by telling us that the memory loss victim actually IS a sinner, and that we are ALL sinners, because we've stolen fruit, thought about stealing fruit, enjoyed fruit, thought about enjoying fruit, or had sinful feelings for fruit in general.

"I did not have sexual relations with that pear!"

The Essence of Memory and Past

The answer to me was actually quite obvious, no. I would not be myself if I could not remember my past. If my past were to be completely erased from my mind at this moment with it would go all memories, acquired education, lessons that were learned through mistakes, the impacts of the culture that I grew up in, and so many other experiences. All the things that have shaped and molded me into the person that I am today would be gone, leaving an empty shell with no identity. I guess it can also depend on a person's definition of identity. To me, identity is the composition of cumulative experiences that have shaped the way we presently act.

So if my memories and my past were to be erased I don't think I'd be me anymore. All my passions and interests would be completely gone leaving someone who doesn't know who she is and why it is that she dedicates herself to the things she does. That is just not me, I am not one that lives an unpassionate life. If you're someone who lives life routinely with no meaning, then maybe forgetting your past won't affect who you are. But for those who don't live their life just for the sake of living, then forgetting your past leads to forgetting meaning and therefore forgetting who it is that you are and what it is that you stand for.

The essence of "you" lies in your past because that is where everything that has brought you to this moment is contained. In the Alzheimer's article, the narrator's mother suffers from this disease which causes her short-term memory to deteriorate. However, her mother remembers certain routines that she had, like attending mass everyday at noon. This deatil was quite stricking. However, I don't consider routines as a part of yourself. Sure they're habits that you've grown accustomed to, but should these "routines" be a definition of yourself? I don't think so. So as the mind and memory deteriorate, so does your past therefore robbing you of who it is that you are.

Augustine & Alzheimers

It is very odd to have to think deeply about memory because in doing so one's brain feels as though it is doing a loop- de- loop in that it is hard to grasp and theorize about the concept of memory. When I was reading Chapter X of Confessions I remember possessing the same feeling, a feeling of utter confusion, which forced to re- read some passages. But, as always I will attempt to dissect the question that was posed in order to compile my structured response.
To start, I do not think that Augustine's purpose of conveying that there is such a thing as "strategic remembrance" brings problems to his claim that one is also able to remember innate responses, such as emotions like sadness and happiness. Memory is different for each individual person because the events that one remembers are distinct to the experiences that one is exposed to throughout one’s lifetime. And, I think that these special experiences are what contributes to the label of "strategic remembrance" because we are each able to recall certain past events when we want to. However, all human being’s biological makeup is relatively in similar in that, among other things, we all possess the same number of chromosomes, not taking into account genetic diseases, and therefore we are wired to respond to certain situations in a similar fashion—unifying us as humans. For example, during a tragic event we all weep and feel sad together, during a wedding we are all happy and our faces display images of elation. Is someone standing at the doors of a church instructing everyone to place a smile on their face once they step foot into the door? No. Did someone tell the entire nation to cry for all those lives that were lost during 9/11? No. But rather humans are able to tell when certain emotions are necessary and this is an innate response, which connects humans to one another. And sometimes it is almost beautiful to think about— the things that make humans, humans, instead of focusing what makes us all different from each other. I hope that answers the part a. of the question because part of me is a little worried that my answer is too complex, but this question is really hard to answer in words. It is as though I know the answer is hidden inside of my head but I cannot describe it, which plays into Augustine's description of memory— how ironic.
Now on to part b. with a really bad transition: I really enjoyed the content of the Alzheimer's article, and I believe that if I was unable to remember my past I would still be myself. I may not be able to remember my past but in the present I would still perform actions that demonstrated who I am. The same was true for the Gisela Webb's mother. She describes that when she played the music that her mother used to enjoy at a younger age, she "responded with enjoyment and even bodily rhythm," (Webb, http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2009/alzheimers/essay_webb-greatunlearning.shtml). Therefore, I think that even if I am unable to remember my past, I will still act like myself, even if I am acting like a child because I think that I’m actually in childhood, and in reality I may be 70 years old. I think that even if my habits and personality may not match my age, I am still me because I should still portray some of the aspects of my personality because those aspects are embedded somewhere inside of myself, somewhere inside of my memory, a part of memory that has nothing to do with recalling past events but with responses to certain situations and interests.

NPG (National Portrait Gallery)

Our visit to the national portrait gallery was an amazing museum experience that only a city like DC could offer, but about halfway through, I was struck by a very depressing thought. I was strolling down a hallway, pausing to admire the likenesses of some of America's greatest citizens, and I came across a face I was totally unfamiliar with. There, among all the portraits of greats such as Washington, MLK, and Benjamin Franklin, was a man that I have never heard of (I still can not recall his name). Now, I don't pretend to be an American history expert, but I consider myself very well informed about our nation's history. If his portrait was among such wonderful, famous people, he must have done something noteworthy, but despite that, I had no idea who he was. And I thought to myself, If this guy (whoever he may be), who must have done something incredible to warrant his face being near the face of Stonewall Jackson or George Washington Carver, is unknown to me, then what is the probability that I will do anything worth remembering in my lifetime? Not that I'm looking for fame or fortune, mind you, I just want to do great things with my life that would have the side effect of people knowing who I am. Well, needless to say, that depressed me a bit, but I walked around a bit more, found a ridiculous portrait of John Brown that makes him look like an absolute lunatic, and realized that gaining recognition on the scale of having your portrait in a national museum is great, but unnecessary. As long as you are pleased with what you've accomplished, having your picture up is just a perk.

Reflection Week 3: "Face-to-Face"

To me, the National Portrait Gallery was an art museum with an overarching theme. The Gallery displays portraits of distinguished and influential figures that helped shape American history and culture. I agree with Allison - it is no history museum.

And how is each Gallery portrait a representation of the self?
As we had discussed in class, a painting is premeditated. The artist attempts to encompass the sitter's personality and background into a painting, carefully weighing artistic measures and determining colors, brush strokes, styles, to produce an ideal representation. The portraits are laden with information about the individual, and by analyzing certain gestures, surroundings, clothing, colors, we can even determine the glory of Washington and intrepidity of Parks. (Without the previous knowledge, it is presumed.)

And in comparison, what's a Kodak snapshot? Potentially many bad, undesirable, representations of the self. One grim look, glare, bags under the eyes, an unphotogenic scowl. Light might be captured at the wrong angle and... hum. Is that what you really look like in the mirror?

Painted portraits are splendid, not only because they are mostly favorable in representation (subject to author, but hopefully), but also because they capture a moment in time. As a sentimental being, lover of rummaging through old boxes and attics, I can't say no to that. Of course I would commission a painting of myself. Just imagine the surprise, decades later, of finding, unlocking a safe... and your youth, inquisitive beginnings springing at you from the past.

A Portrait I Really Enjoyed

So I'm not going to lie. . . the National Portrait Gallery was amazing!! Everything about the gallery was fascinating, from the portraits themselves to the architecture of the building. I couldn't help but feel as we progressed around the building that everything was preserved in a way that captured a moment in history, like a snapshot. I have to say that my only complain was that we didn't get a tour around the entire gallery but then again I can always return on my own.




All the portraits were captivating in their own way but there was one in particular that truly mesmerized me from the first second. It was a portrait that wasn't mentioned in the tour, it was a portrait of George Washington Carver. http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/3011392123/ (I hope I posted this link right so you can see the portrait) In the portrait Carver is seen caring for flowers. It's hard to describe but the portrait evoked a sense of peace and quiet within me. The colors used in the portrait were so soft and used in light brushstrokes. The thing that really drew me into the portrait were Carver's hands. They were gently cupped such a way around the flowers, in a caring way. I couldnt' help but notice how the portrait perfectly captured the essence of Carver. From what I remember Carver was an intellectual man who focused much of his research on agriculture and also championed an improvement in racial relations. However, it was not necessary to know this since the portrait portrayed him as a man of peaceful empowerment. I realized that portraits are not only a way of remembering someone but also a way of capturing an essence and evoking that to the audience.

Pondering...(I really cannot think of a grand title)

I just typed in "blog on national portrait gallery" and to my surprise they have a blog! And even more surprising it is update almost daily. In their blog, however, they are reflecting on the anniversary of Sept. 11, for obvious reasons. The museum, in my opinion, cultivates and embraces American history by displaying and exampling the lives of the most important or at least famous historical figures from the United States. I think that the museum was great because it slowed down the pace of history by imprinting in our minds the portraits of profound people, only realizing after I left that the lives of all of these individuals spanned over many years. Throughout these years our country has changed dramatically, but it is important to note that these changes were not all abrupt but rather working with one another to transform our country into its current state, whether you believe that its current state is good or bad.
The immense amount of change that occurs not only in our country, but also in everyone's life, American or not, is amazing, and that is where I come into confusion with St. Augustine's book. Augustine endorses, above all, that in order to attain stability and a life of eternity it is important to stop going through such drastic changes and accept what is and what isn't so that stability, through the word of the Lord, can enter into one's life. I mean that is what I think he is saying...? Correct me if I am wrong because I am having a difficult time with his insights. Nonetheless, I do believe it is important to not go looking for change because that is where one becomes lost and things go awry. But, on the same note how can one avoid change? Our minds are not meant to rest, but rather question and analyze things, so wherein do we find permanence and stillness? The only person, in my belief, that can stop change from occurring is God, but why would he want to stop change? Change promotes good and bad things. In order to achieve anything we need to be able to accept change and know that is is inevitable. I think life does make more sense once you find your spiritual beliefs, but I don't think I am old enough to want to stop change. I do think it is important, as Augustine notes multiple instances, to not go through life as a transient being. We need to eventually find our stable point in life, whether it is through going to church or meditating once a week, or else our lives here on earth will seem meaningless and that place to which we may go after death will be non- existent.

Sin and guilt.. and damnation?

In writing a work of Catholicism, presumably with intent to not only vent and cleanse himself of what he believes were despicable actions, yet also, perhaps, convert others to the Catholic faith, his prolific use of sin, in my view, is beneficial.

After all, the audience choosing to read Augustine back in the fourth century was most probably educated and searching for an apt faith, maybe even salvation, themselves. The concept of "sin" was recurrent, as we see through examples of the sect of the Manichees (ex. of sacrificing animals, etc.). 'Sin' might have been regarded actions that isolate the individual from the divine, from the ruler of the Earth, the creator. In this context it would be deemed problematic and necessary to fix in human beings. Augustine offers a path of reflection to recover from one's presumed sins, a path which will hopefully purge and purify the individual and foster a stronger connection to God.

Although, I believe Belle from The Drama Queen's Apartment brought up a solid point:

Instead of guilting or scaring people into changing their religious beliefs, he should try to open their eyes to the good things that a life with God could bring them.

In modern day religion, I perceive, individuals are oftentimes "guilted" into religious practice.
People go to Confession, although they often find it useless (but necessary). Even I am guilt-tripped into attending church by my parents. (All this is at least applicable to my experience in Catholic faith, yet I'm inclined to believe young individuals from different backgrounds might have similarly diverging ideas from that of their parents'). Religious freedom of course is a major component of our American society, but arising from a deeply-rooted religious background, it is not easy to cut ties and abandon the familial religion. In doing so, seclusion and outcasting from the family is imminent.

Yet somehow, based on Augustine's account, it appears the separation was much freer in his day. It is true that his mother wept over his conversion, yet she and her ideology evidently had not exerted enough pressure to return him to the Catholic faith. Only upon developing his own ideas of the faith was Augustine a true believer... which I find slightly comical. Augustine is a saint within the Catholic religion, but was it not essentially his creation? And don't we always find our own ideas appealing? And our own determined path, easy to follow? (I don't know, a google search for "why is Augustine saint" had not produced many results. Much ignorant of the actual procedure for declaring sainthood, I'll continue with my research).

It's a much different psychological occurrence when we are introduced to or forcefully submerged in ideas that are not our own proud creations but modes of thinking esteemed to be moral, correct, righteous.

Also, what role did guilt of sin take back in Augustine's day? I'd guess that the public's perceptions of sinfulness and right-of-way were more lenient and subjective as opposed to today's for the developing religious structures, such as of Catholicism, and existent paganism as well as sects.

Yet returning to my initial statement, I believe that with regards to academics who would peruse Augustine's work, the repeated mentions of 'sin' were effective, for these individuals exposed themselves voluntarily to a work, maybe in hope of finding an inner spiritualism. Maybe without the developed-Medieval concepts of Christianity they weren't necessarily guilt-ridden, rueful, and afraid of eternal damnation. Maybe they were just searching and dipping their feet into a system of beliefs that would soon, inevitably, rule the world.

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Augustine's use of sin in his book is definitely effective. By introducing the sin of stealing the pears, he brings it to a normal level, where everyone else is. As the Catholic church can definitely attest to, guilt is an extremely powerful way to get people to do what you want. By making everyone who reads his book feel guilty for some miniscule crime that they have committed, they shall believe that they are in need of serious guidance that only the church can provide. That is, of course, that we allow that the book is indeed an advertisement.

The idea of sin may limit the appeal to some, but for most god-fearing people, sin is a powerful motivator. Besides, most people who read this book, knowing full well that St. Augustine is a CATHOLIC saint, will expect some talk of sinning and redemption and guilt and God and so forth. St. Augustine's ramblings about his terrible sin are expected and tiresome for those who are unaffected by Augustine's brand of christianity, and very effective and useful for those who buy into it. However, I think his talk of sin is indeed moving, he just goes on about it too much. It loses its potency after the 1,000th time he references his awful fruit kleptomania.

Besides, pears are so tasty, it doesn't really matter.

Advertising in Shamwow Language

You know that guy on the commercials that yells at you to buy things? You know who I'm talking about, it's that guy that advertises the "Shamwow!" (I've heard that it actually doesn't work). Sometimes I feel that Saint Augustine is that guy on the Shamwow commercial except for two things: one, he doesn't advertise things that you can buy online or by calling a 1-800 number; two, Saint Augustine doesn't yell at his audience but in a way kind of pleads to his readers. What exactly is Saint Augustine advertising? Whenever I read his confessions I get the feeling that he's telling his audience that those who have sinned can be saved. In other words, he's advertising salvation.

Going back to the whole stealing of the pears thing, Augustine makes the comment that he had no motive for stealing except for the pleasure derived from "the wickedness itself" (1) and that he actually loved "the self-destruction"(2). In a way all of us have probably done something like this, maybe not exactly steal, but we've let curiosity or the thrill of doing something that is not allowed get the better of us. By giving this example of his own sin, Augustine is telling his audience that everyone has been tempted in different ways and many have not been able to resist that lure. However, just because you have sinned doesn't mean that you still can't find God or find some salvation. By putting his own personal experiences into an autobiography in the form of confessions his audience can relate to him and see themselves in him; you realize that even saints struggle with everyday temptation. Yet, like Augustine, even those "sinners" can find their way back to a road of redemption by realizing their wrongs and having the will to resist. That's the way I see it. A message/advertisement that everyone struggles or gets lost, but you can always find your way back.

Citations:
(1) Saint Augustine. Confessions. Trans. Henry Chadwick. New York: Oxford University Press,
1998. 29.
(2) Saint Augustine. Confessions. Trans. Henry Chadwick. New York: Oxford University Press,
1998. 29.

Calling all Saints

Ok, first I need to get it out there that every time I pick up Saint Augustine's book the song "St. Augustine" by Band of Horses always comes into my head, and now it has been stuck in my head for over a week! And the funny part is that I don't see why Band of Horses named their song after our lovely author because I just looked up the lyrics, and I do not see any relation between the two, but maybe they just really liked Saint Augustine and/ or one of his many books. I don't know, it will remain a mystery to me, and oh great now the chorus to that song is on repeat in my mind again.
But, that whole paragraph was besides the point in that it really does nothing to answer our question for today, so to cut to the chase...
The fact that Augustine describes his life and relays the trials and tribulations that he went through to become a bishop and a very religious man is interesting. I have never heard of this book before, and this saint until now... and I am Catholic. Although, I did not go to Catholic school at all, only the two hours or so a week of Sunday school lessons which always went right over my head, and I really never learned anything to by honest, which is really sad to think about, I find it strange to only hear about such an influence Catholic at age 18.
Anyways, I do believe that this book's main purpose is to convey to other LITERATE Catholics, and therefore more than likely wealthy, that he suffered a lot to get where he was but that Augustine did have a divine intervention. Augustine wants to disprove of the doubts that others may cast on his background and portray that God wants him in the position as the bishop. This books serves to legitimize Augustine's claims that he may have told others and to legitimize that he should be a bishop because even though he may have turned away from God at a younger age, he changed immensely. Others may have been jealous of Augustine's appointment to such a high office in the Catholic church, or thought that Augustine was unworthy or not the best fit for bishop at the time. I'm sure many knew knew about Augustine's past-- living with a mistress and even having a child, but never marrying her due to her social status and indulging in many other pleasures of life that are looked down upon by the church--, and I think that Augustine does not want to deny his past experiences, but rater show how everything culminated and produced the man that he became-- a devout and prominent Catholic figure. Therefore, Augustine is advertising that it does not matter what sins you have committed prior to being baptized and becoming a Catholic because God will forgive you and his mercy with heal those who promise to change their ways, like Augustine did. Confessions is in part a way to convey the power of the Catholic church, and to devoid those who are in the Catholic community of any of the doubts that they may possess towards the healing power of God-- that's the punchline. Augustine is the poster child for God's ability to forgive once one has sinned; sinned once or sinned many times. At first I did think that the punchline was to increase the number of attendants in the Catholic church but I think that this is an indirect effect of the book and not the main concern. Many people at this time were illiterate and therefore they would not be able to read Augustine's book, but the educated and especially other religious people would be able to read this book. I think that Augustine wanted those types of people to read his book and propagate Catholicism, which would increase the number of Catholics, and thus the amount of money and power that the Catholic church would have at that time... and it worked! The Catholic church, throughout history became increasingly powerful and influential in the lives of many and it continues to do so until this day. Augustine is probably looking down from Heaven and smiling to see how wonderfully successful he was and continues to be.

Obituaries?

I have to say, I do think the idea of writing your own obituary is very creepy. But aside from the creepiness, Another problem that I have with it is the idea of writing down all your accomplishments and feats or whatever. I believe that half the fun of life is the mystery, the fact that you have NO idea where your life is going. I don't have a big problem with the idea of writing the obituary; it's great to set goals for yourself and even greater to follow through with them. Its the idea that you could possibly know anything about the way that your life could turn out. A better exercise would be to simply write down your goals.

ANYWAY, I definitely enjoyed Mrs. Walker's presentation, and I thought she looked great for her age ;). But seriously, I am a huge fan of "following your bliss", a philosophy of life given a name by Joseph Campbell. Anyway, Mrs. Walker certainly seems to be following her bliss, wherever it takes her, even if it means getting a PhD at 50. It was extremely inspiring to hear that you really can do whatever you really want to do, if it makes you happy. I would count myself lucky to have a story like hers by the time I die. Hmmm, maybe I'll write myself an obituary...

Reflection Week 2: How Planning is Epic but Necrologies Aren't Thematically Fitting

I immediately felt repelled to Danna Walker's idea of composing a personal obituary. I am reminded of Emmeline Grangerford from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the girl who had a hobby of perusing the daily paper for obituaries and writing "tributes" to the dead. Eerie and disturbing, and also in no way related to the Explorations course at hand.

The main reason for my obituary pass deals with mentioning death. College. (Don't go together, do they?) Freshman year! Isn't this a decisive, lively stage of life? If so, should we not attempt to grasp its significance and clutch, seize the LIFE before us? I am not implying we should not plan our courses of action in advance. Like Basil S. Walsh said, "If you don't know where you are going, how can you expect to get there?"

Let's create and delineate what we want to accomplish. Even the most (seemingly) absurd and improbable achievements, things, places, careers. Ones so sweet, alluring, tempting... and quenching, like that Häagen Dazs Sorbet Sipper on a sultry day. Whatever you dreamed of as a kid, when no one yet bothered to put you down and tell you that you couldn't, you shouldn't, you wouldn't. Want to be an astronomer? Put it on paper. Hang the line on your cinder block wall, scribble it with a Sharpie, stare at it, foster and kindle a fire, glow ardent with aim.

As one concept that Danna Walker pointed out indicates - the subconscious mind works for you. Once an idea and desire so strong and fervent is instilled within the fibers of your being, you better know you're getting it, you're getting there. With a "grand plan," she said, "the subconscious is working for you and things along the way just lead to it [what you want]. Opportunities open up." Or perhaps your mind turns receptive. Once a path is delineated, it is conscious to opportunities, and you act accordingly. We need to delineate to act purposefully, walk the right roads, end up at the desired destinations.

As goes for myself, I've laid out my masterplan, and I review it to consider my current sources of joy and plausible choices of career. But no obituaries. I prefer the attitude of life and the now. Pondering over my gravestone makes me uncomfortable, just as the notions of a "bucket list" and the "1,000 Books/Movies/Records/Places You Must Read/See/Hear/Visit BEFORE YOU DIE." Popular culture rushes us. Hurry, hurry, before you die! I'm suprised the Grim Reaper isn't juxtaposed on the book cover, scythe suspended ominously over all your dream island locations. Get to Majorca, quick, before it's too late! Death is a fact of life, but at this stage in ours, should we regard it as imminent? Granting thought to the notion of not being alive, free to frolic... not appealing!

Perhaps I over-thought this obituary writing-advice. I just found it very distressing.

But regardless. Live out today like you mean it - is what matters. (And Danna Walker also said not to worry so much. Slightly conflicting, but just maybe, no need for predictions of life/death at 80? Or 150?) Just to manifest my preferred take on existence, one I derived from the genius of Dale Carnegie, I would like to share a few lines I've got scotch-taped to my desk, to see and reflect upon daily:

Saluation to the Dawn

Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence
>The bliss of growth
>>The glory of action
>>>The splendor of beauty.
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of
>>happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation to the dawn.

Kalidasa, Indian Poet

No whens, ifs, buts. No "when I am a junior", "once I graduate", "when I'll have a family" ("when I grow up"). No looking to the future to reap your joys of life, no hold-offs. Breathe and create now. Touch your nose, blink your eyes, pull your ear. Tough developing a sufficiently forcible ending that would exude the value we so frequently disregard. Simply miss.

This instance is life in the purest.

Are You Seriously Telling Me This?

When Danna Walker visited our class this past Friday she made a comment that left me completely dumbstruck. She said that a very helpful piece of advice she could give would be for us to stop stressing so much. I stared at her in absolute amazement. I began to wonder if maybe she didn't realize that she was talking to a group of college freshmen. I mean, telling a group of undergrads not to stress is like telling them not to breathe. . . for me anyway. And isn't part of the college package, besides dealing with a disorganized bookstore, loads and loads of stress? I began to think of how much I worry about school. And the more I thought and thought, I realized that I pretty much worry about everything. I worry about such insignificant things that really shouldn't be bothered with. I realized how much time is wasted worrying, time that can be put to better use.

The more I thought about this stress problem I began to wonder if maybe stress stemmed from self-doubt. There are moments when I question what it is that I can and can't do and there and these are the moments when the worrying begins. So I should no longer question my abilities and worry about my weaknesses but rather act on my strengths. After all, great things aren't achieved by the meek and the close-minded but rather by those who are willing to dive into things without any sense of fear or stress.

My Obituary as inspired by Danna Walker

So in order to think of my grand plan for life that should hold true until I am at least fifty, I elected to perform an exercise that was suggested by Danna Walker, our speaker for today. I found it fitting for our reflection exercise since I will be reflecting on what I want out of life. Dr. Walker said that it should be interesting and helpful for one to write a personal obituary. I trust that it will be beneficial because Dr. Walker was very insightful on the topic of life. So here it goes, and though I am a little weary to write this, because I DO NOT want to die any time soon, I will give it my best and hopefully it doesn't sound too impractical. Though if you have read my other posts you will realize I am the epitome of an idealist.

Miranda, daughter of William and Annette, and sister to Arianne, died last night in her sleep at the age of 105. Graduate of American University, Class of 2013, with a major in International Service, Miranda also went on to receive her masters from Columbia University in 2015 in International Affairs. After establishing herself as a leading figure in the international world, Miranda fought to share the power of an education to children in developing nations. Miranda always spoke passionately about her education, and she wished for other children to be influenced by it. Thus, she started her own non- profit organization, Education and Empowerment, for this cause in 2022. However, Miranda also sought to ameliorate the educational system of America, and she frequently testified before Congress throughout her lifetime. Miranda was happily married for eighty years, and her and her husband leave a son James, and twins Elizabeth and Alyssa. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to Education and Empowerment.


Wow, that was the weirdest thing I have ever written, and I am fearful of hitting the "Publish Post" button because there is a .01% chance that my life will turn out as I have described above. However, I learned many things from Dr. Walker's discussion today, and one of them is that even though one's plan may seem too fantastical, it is still not bad to wish for such things. And, as Dr. Walker conveyed, it is important to not let other factors be a deterrent in one's life. Dr. Walker was very helpful, and I think I am finally beginning to explore who I am and what I want to become, which is good because that is the point of this course! I have a feeling I'll look back at this post in fifty years and have a good laugh.

Drama Llama or Llama Drama?

3 months ago, I was at a YMCA in Gaithersburg, watching my brother swim. Now, those of you who have attended club swim meets know that they are full-day events, and my brother swam in both the first and the last events. So, I was in this YMCA for about 8 hours straight on a lovely Saturday. During one of the many breaks between my brother's events, I wandered into a room where I saw a glorious image floating before me. I pinched myself. Twice. I wasn't dreaming. There, mere feet in front of me, perched on the wall like a magnificent eagle, was a sublime wonder, a work of art.

"I must have it!" I muttered to myself, alarming several swimming moms around me.

It was a poster. Not just any poster, mind you. THE poster. The poster that would be the envy of all in my dorm. One poster to rule them all.

It was this poster.

It was so delightfully ridiculous and crazy that it was perfect. As I moved to rip it from the wall and stuff it into my pants, my normal poster-stealing method, a ripple of guilt went through me. I was in a YMCA. The young men's christian association. It would be tantamount to blasphemy, sacriligion to follow through with my devious plan. So I didn't take it. I couldn't.

A couple of weeks later, right before leaving for school, my mother said she had a going-away present for me. I couldn't believe my eyes when I unrolled THE POSTER! So, naturally, I thanked her profusely, and brought it straight to school.

I brought the poster for two reasons: one, it's hilariously ridiculous and actually kind of appropriate for a dorm room. Two, and more importantly, it reminds me that no matter what I do, no matter what I set upon as my goal, I have the support and love of my family behind me. They will always be there for me.

At first, according to one of my roommates, the poster made me appear to be a bit of a "doof", but once I explained the sentimental meaning of the poster, the aforementioned roomie thought me more sentimental than he had before. He also said that the poster described my personality in a way: "ridiculous, yet appropriate".

I'll take that.

The Joys of a Dirty Blanket

To state the obvious, Texas is an extremely hot place. It's the type of hot where every summer you're vying for the friendship of that neighbor kid you had never talked to all year but you know he has an amazing swimming pool in his backyard. However, Texas winters can also have their cruel moments. Therefore, a warm, cozy, blanket is always greatly appreciated. A blue five-year-old blanket was one of the first items that I packed into my suitcase when preparing to leave to DC. Printed in the front are the words "Houston, Texas" and on the top there's an imprint of a football helmet. I honestly have no idea who the Houston, Texans are in regards to the sport. The only reason why I even have this blanket in the first place is because it was bought as a last minute necessity for a school trip. Little did I know that this blanket would soon become an object of security and comfort. I became so accustomed to its warmth during winters that there was no way I was going to college without it. When others see this blanket they might think "oh, she's not accostumed to the cold so she really needs a blanket". They might even establish my identity as a childish person who constantly feels the need to be warm and enveloped. However,to me, this blanket represents everything that is warm and comfortable about home. To me, it has become a symbol and constant reminder that even though I have entered moments of self-discovery and independence by coming to college, you should never forget where you came from for that is where you first began.

When I asked my roommate Katie what she thought about the blanket her first guess was that I was proud to be from Texas. She was correct in this since I am proud that I come from the south (even if at times TX is not always seen in the best light). She then ventured to guess that I am a football fan. That was TOTALLY wrong since the only football games that I have ever seen were the ones that I was forced to watch in high school. But I do understand how this blanket could give off that impression. Her third opinion was that there was a certain childish side of me. In a way that is correct. Though I am not childish in character (I hope not anyways) I am childish in the way that just like little kids, I also like to cling on to things of great value to me. In the end, I learned that at times only the posessor of an item is the one who truly knows the true meaning behind their precious object.

PANDAmonium

I brought two stuffed panda bears to school for two reasons. One is that I cannot sleep without holding something in my arms, I guess this stems from always having a stuffed animal to sleep with throughout my entire life, and two because they do remind me of home. I have many more-- at least 5-- stuffed pandas at home. This accumulation began when I told people that pandas were my favorite animal many years ago. Actually, I do not remember when I decided that pandas were my favorite animal, but I do know that now I have a lot of panda paraphernalia, from tee shirts to most notably the stuffed animals that I brought to college. Therefore, these pandas remind me of home because pandas have long been a part of my life, and they are just very comfy to sleep next to. I think that my stuffed pandas portray to others that I am still a bit childish and very silly. When one looks at these pandas, one cannot help but smile because they are just funny- looking, and they are abnormally shaped creatures. Therefore, these pandas should convey to others that I do not take some things too seriously, and that I am able to laugh and be immature when the occasion arises.
On the other hand, when I asked the boys down the hall from Explorations what identity these pandas perform, they stated such things as "creature comfort... needed for security... a reminder of childhood." This is partly correct, but I did not see the pandas as a symbol for weakness and insecurity. It makes sense now, though. I mean if I need a panda to sleep with at night, then I obviously need a sense of security, but that word did not pop into my head until after I showed my pandas to other people. Someone also stated that the pandas showed that I like "Asian wildlife." I did not agree with this because I do not think I could name that many creatures from Asian besides the obvious, a panda. So this blog was insightful. I learned that even though I believed the pandas remind me of my past and my childhood, others do not know that I have had such a liking to pandas for such a long period of time. Others view the pandas as a symbol for comfort since I am away from home, even though when I am at home I still have the need to sleep with these black and white stuffed bears, too.