Friday, September 18, 2009

Amid Confusion

I really enjoyed Debra Humphrey's presentation. She was very honest about her own life and experiences, and it made it easy to discern her opinion and view on things. However, she worried me. She studied an entirely different subject in college than what she needed for the job she currently has. If I did that I would feel as though I wasted time and money, and I would not be happy. I wish I knew what I was meant to do now; I am too impatient and I already feel as though I may be studying the wrong subjects. I really do not want to end up taking courses that are impertinent to my future life, but at the same time I am hesitant to explore new courses that don't pertain to my major because every course that I take costs money, and then if I hate that class I realize I should not have elected to take it, and thus I would feel regretful because that money could have went towards another course that would actually be beneficial. I don't know if this attitude of being cautious when taking course stems from being a first- generation college student, just at Debra Humphrey was. Do people such as myself feel this way because we do not have parents who can provide answers about their personal collegiate experience? I just feel like everything is a mess right now. I hear some people saying that they really like their classes, but none of mine are that enticing, besides this one. Part of me misses the comforts of high school, even though I was so eager to leave because I did not have the daunting question of what job do I want to hold always hanging over my head. And I did not have the burden of thinking about money 24/7 since I went to a public school. I wish there would have been a better way to prepare for this all. I keep asking myself and others questions and everyone does not seem to possess the same answer and/ or there is no answer. I totally can relate to the feeling that Augustine possessed when he is having a crisis of faith and he keeps asking God questions, but only slowly and subtlety do the answers reveal themselves. The same is true for me because only over time will the answers actually become unearthed, but until then I will have to learn to be patient and continue to work hard. Because as Debra Humphrey said (which really left an indelible mark on me): "Success is more related to work than talent." This is reassuring because if there is one thing I do know it is that I can work hard, but I really do not know of any special talents that I possess.

1 comment:

Keara said...

I understand how anxious you are feeling regarding taking courses that do not pertain to your major, but I do not agree with your statement about your parents and being a first-generation college student. I am a first-generation college student as well, but that does not stop me from asking my parents for advice. During the second week of school, I was having a terrible time with a course, and the first person that came to my mind to ask for their opinion was my mom. Also, college was different thirty or so years ago...we have so many more opportunities available to us now that I feel like parents who did attend college would not understand all of the choices we are facing with our classes.