The Impact of Three Months

It's time for the last reflection.

Yesterday was such a weird day for me. I'm sure everyone has had those off days. With classes ending and hell week approaching (my own little term for finals week) I couldn't help but feel a little overwhelmed. It also doesn't help that I was given an unexpected reality check, and with this reality check, came a whole flood of emotions. I began to feel uncomfortable, and that's when I realized that maybe I was living the whole college experience right.

Think back a couple months ago (I hope that at this point of the semester your brain is able to think that far back) to when Pres. Kerwin came to class. He made a statement that has really stuck with me, he said that feeling uncomfortable during college was a common symptom of the experience. In fact, if you didn't feel uncomfortable at some point or another, then maybe you weren't fully giving it your all to the good ole' college experience. Well, yesterday I felt uncomfortable. I actually began to doubt my abilities and began to wonder if I was going to succeed in college. But, yes, there's a but, I sucked it up. I realized that I was wasting so much energy and time (and in college, time is such a precious thing) feeling fearful and doubtful of myself. So, I gave myself some moments to worry, got myself together, and decided on a plan as to how to fix my unexpected "reality check."

I'm sure that many of us have had this experience, and if you haven't, a time will come. However, even if the experience is common, everyone has different ways to deal with them. It's amazing to think how much three months of college has changed me. Just three months. . . I didn't think one could change so much in just three months. But I like who I am becoming. Yes, I've felt uncomfortable, fearful, doubtful, but it always comes back to who I am. Who I'm becoming.

I hope everyone enjoyed their first semester at AU. Most importantly, I hope everyone is enjoying the experience of learning who they are, the experience of crafting their identity. I hope everyone likes who they're becoming. Good luck with finals and enjoy the snow!

Snoozing In

It seems like we're always joining communities. It's like we are constantly trying to get into circles that we believe are appropritate for us. For example, when applying to college, I was asking for admission into communities that I thought were suitable for me. The same when building my course schedule, I was choosing classes that I wanted, I guess you can say I was trying to join little communities based on my interests. As of now, I am happy where I am. But circumstances change, as do interests. Because I am happy where I am, and my vision of my future-self is not as clear as it was before, I wish to join a community that is not so "serious." Although now that I think about it, joining this community would be a drastic change for me. If I could join any community, I would join the community of people who aren't addicted to the "snooze" button. The wonderful people who are blessed with the ability of getting off their beds as soon as their alarms rings, a call to wake up and face the world.

The addiction to the snooze button started my sophomore year of high school. Actually, I'm not going to lie, I've had a problem with the snooze button for as long as I can remember. I just have so much trouble getting out of bed. This is how bad my addiction to the snooze button is; I have been known to hit the button for two hours straight, and once I hit the button the alarms goes off every five minutes. Now, I haven't been late to a single morning class this semester but let's just say that this inability to immediately get out of bed is getting very aggravating. Not only that, but I'm positive that it annoys my roommates. I know that at first glance, becoming part of a group of people who don't hit the snooze button ten times before getting off of bed may not sound like a serious community. Yet it would be great if I could become part of this community. No more precious hours wasted hitting the alarm; no more annoyed roommates; no more lying to myself whenever I set my alarm at an early hour fully knowing that I will not wake up that early; no more telling Corinne that I will go eat breakfast with her and then canceling because I decided to instead sleep in and hit the snooze button. Overall, I would seriously love to be part of this community and free myself from the chains of that evil snooze button.

I Just Got Lost & Some Quality Time With Dan Brown

This Thanksgiving break was such a great one!! After hectic months of going to class, work, or volunteering at the Newseum, it was nice to slow my pace down and just enjoy the city. Yes, I didn't go home for the break, and now I learned that trying to buy airplane tickets at the last minute is not a great or cheap idea. However, it's not like DC is a boring city. So between going to the Smithsonians, getting lost trying to find another museum, getting lost trying to find the German embassy (except that this time with Gunperi), having dinner in Georgetown, and spending Thanksgiving with Anna's wonderful family; I must say that this break was a very good one.

One thing I learned about myself during this break is how much I don't freak out anymore. For example, when Alex and I were looking for the old postal office that's near the Washington Monument, we got lost. Yes, believe it or not, Alex and I could not find a giant building that has a giant tower, with a giant clock on it. Even though we asked a security guard for directions, and even though we were carrying a map, we still could not find that building. When we finally found it, it was only to be told that it was closed. It was at that moment that I realized two things. One, I seriously need to improve my map reading skills. Two, I don't panic as much as I used to. If a year ago I would've gotten lost the way Alex and I did, I would've worried and panicked at the idea of being lost in a city I wasn't accustomed to. Nevertheless, that's not the situation anymore. In fact, I enjoyed getting lost, I saw new parts of the city that I did not know were there. Did you know that there's a Barnes & Noble on I believe it was 10th street? Or was it 11th? I don't remember but it's somewhere around there. Anyway, I think that I've become a bit more spontaneous and unplanned, which to tie it back to class, I guess I have been absorbing the advice that has been given to us by guest speakers. The advice that we shouldn't plan or organize our life so much, just let life take its own course. Yes, maybe we'll get lost but there's always the chance that you'll end up liking it.

Just to add a quick note, I would like to thank Anna W., Alex, and Gunperi for making this Thanksgiving break an enjoyable one. Also, my friend Adam for lending me his book "The Lost Symbol" by Dan Brown. Yes the writing sucks, but the story is great!! Especially because it's set in DC. I've actually found that some of the areas described here I've visited which only adds to the excitement. I really recommend it. So, to sum it all up, great break, good times, and now it's hard work until finals are over.

Bonus Blog Question

Though the museum was very open in space, the exhibitions themselves felt crowded. Artifacts placed in the upper levels were positioned in ways in which the visitor had to go through a pathway in order to observe them. It almost felt as if I were in a maze. Though at first I did not understand this order of placement, I now realize that the visitor could become even more engaged in the museum if he or she were to choose to dive into the exhibitions in order to look at the artifacts. As a visitor, I was engaged. Having to go and actually seek for artifacts captured my attention more than if the artifacts were just placed in wide, open, and visible areas. Due to the lack of space in the exhibition, I submerged myself in a history that I must admit, I am a bit ignorant of. I became surrounded by history and was therefore more receptive of the portrayed cultures.

Lighting was also an interesting factor of the museum. In the fourth floor, the lighting of the exhibitions was dimmed and focused solely on the artifacts. Due to the lack of light, I began to feel as if I were in a mystical place. I kind of don't really know how to describe this mood with another word besides "mystical." It's just that something felt kind of mysterious about the whole atmosphere. Maybe it was to reflect how Native Americans were not really rooted to solid ideas but rather to abstract forms of thinking. What I mean, is that many of their beliefs seemed to be centered on things such as folklore or finding symbols in objects rather than focusing on actual scientific fact. Maybe this was the whole reason behind the layout, to reinforce the idea that this culture was an abstract one.

The Harmony in Geometry

My mind works in mysterious ways. For example, whenever I think of a color, place, word, or just anything in particular, I link that subject with an image. Here's what I mean, say that someone says the word "Converse" (referring to the shoes) the first image that immediately pops into my head is a scene from the movie "2012", in which everyone who survives a massive flood goes out to face a whole newly organized planet wearing Converse shoes. Apparently, Converse will be the shoes of the future, and the ones that all governments will choose to provide to people who survive a catastrophe. By the way, I really recommend this movie, it's absolutely hilarious. Anyway, another example is when I think of Seattle. Whenever I think of Seattle, I immediately think of dirty snow. This being that last time I was there it snowed like five inches, though beautiful at first, the snow turned from a crisp white to a dull gray, the result of dirty car tires driving over it.



To get to my point, when thinking of the American Indian Museum, the first image that pops into my head is the image of a circle. After the image of the circle, the song "The Circle of Life" from "The Lion King" then begins to play. So, why a circle? Well, for one, the architecture of the museum itself was round. There were no sharp outer angles but rather undulating and curved surfaces. Also, one thing I almost ignored while in the museum, was the ceiling. The ceiling itself curved upward and ended in a circular roof window (I guess that's what you would call it?) that allowed natural sunlight into the museum. It was all about the circles. However, it all connected with Indian beliefs. Upon reading the information in the exhibitions, I learned that Native Americans saw their world as two bowls put together. One bowl represented the earth, the other was the heavens. When these bowls were put together, a circle was formed. Hence, a sense of completion and togetherness. Also, I remember reading an exhibition that stated that some Native Americans viewed their lives in the shape of a circle. Whenever a disruption occurred, that circle lost form and was not completed. It seemed as if harmony was represented by the shape of a circle.

It's pretty amusing to me that circles are the forms of completion and peace for Native Americans. A flowing and connected figure that loses form when broken is the ideal image for the fragility and at times inconstant moments in life. I absolutely hate anything that has to do with Geometry but for this event, the circle seems like the perfect shape to symbolize a life full of peace and happiness.

Peaceful Thoughts

I'm going to be honest, my mind is drawing a blank at this moment. Looking at the quote, I can't help but have an internal debate, but it's hard to draw the little fragments together and piece them into one solid argument. There's a peaceful side of me that cries for the end of violence, the part that believes that violence doesn't solve anything. Then there's the more. . . cruel side of me (I guess that's what you can call it) that says that violence can have a forceful way of achieving things. But I know, that deep down, I don't approve of violence as a means of solving issues.

To point out the obvious figure, look at Martin Luther King. He lived his life in peace; rallying in peace; and bringing peace to others. Yes, he was assasinated, so maybe he did pay for it with his life and freedom. However, did he truly lose his life and freedom? Biologically speaking, the answer is yes. He is no longer alive, living, or breathing. But he didn't lose his life because his meaning was never lost. He lived his life with a meaning. That meaning being for the equal treatment of African-Americans. He passed that meaning on, which in turn, created laws for the equal treatment of African-Americans. Even though he died, his message for peace and equality transcended to others, therefore, his life was not completely lost. So, though he did live a peaceful life, and he did lose his life for it, his message transcended to others which therefore, kept his legacy and memory alive.

Arlington Cemetery

This Wednesday, at the Arlington Cemetery, I couldn't help but feel that time had stopped. Walking around the lands, I kept forgetting that I was actually in a cemetery. The natural scenery around the cemetery was kept clean and neat. Grass was trimmed to perfection and tombstones were aligned in perfect angles. Because everything felt so meticulous, I have to admit that I forgot my history. I forgot that American history was not a perfect history. It was a history full of pain and sacrifice; a history where at times citizens of this own country fought against each other. However, the organized structure of the cemetery didn't seem to reflect any of this history. I guess it all had to deal with death and closure. When one dies, especially if one died during combat, one wouldn't want to be reminded of how that death occurred. One would want to be received in death by peace and rest, not by being reminded that death occurred through violent means.

Though the cemetery was beautiful, I couldn't help but think that I would not want a ton of tourists walking around and looking at my tombstone when I'm dead. I mean, I understand I'd be dead, so I wouldn't care at that moment who was looking at my grave. But still, is it correct to treat a cemetery as a tourist attraction? On one side, by people seeing graveyards like this, they can gain respect for the military. On the other, maybe by seeing graves, the idea of death and military service can become undermined. People can become so familiarized with the image of a grave that they take for granted the fact that these people died for the ideals that our nation upholds. Overall, I really enjoyed the cemetery, it was beautiful (even if it was raining like crazy) but the image of death was just not appealing to me. Well, now that I think about it, I don't think it's appealing to anybody.

College Cheesy(i?)ness

The other day I was feeling a bit nostalgic for my high school years. Of course, when one is feeling overwhelmed by the stress of homework and all that other good stuff, it is understandable to miss those carefree moments. Anyway, I was remembering my life as a little high school freshman. The year was 2005 (I think it was 2005?) and I was sitting in my freshman lit. class when my teacher announced that we would be reading Antigone. When reading the play, my teacher covered the basic stuff, stuff you could have found on Sparknotes. However, I have been amazed at the HUGE difference between the Antigone taught in high school and the Antigone taught in college. I mean, of course there's going to be a difference, college is college and high school is. . . well, high school. But I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I definitely prefer the college teaching of Antigone way better than the high school version of it.

In college, things are just observed more in depth, and of course, that's the way it should be, right? But the funny thing is that I've actually found myself applying knowledge learned in one class to another. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I'm very proud of myself. Until now, I had never really applied the knowledge from one class to another, at least not the way I am doing now. I just love how everyday I find myself finding new way of thinking about things that I thought I already knew, like Antigone. Take Antigone, for example, in Friday's class after defending King Kreon, I was left with the impression that behind every action there's a potential for good and evil. Things can't always be seen in only one way, there's depth and logic behind decisions that at times, the reader may never know the answer to. I had never thought about Antigone that much before as to draw that conclusion.

Anyway, besides the stress, I really like being in college. It's a stage in my life that I'm enjoying and though there are moments when I wish things were a bit easier, I just suck it up and think of all the new ideas that are yet to be discovered. (Didn't mean to sound my ending to sound cheesy.)

Personal Agendas and Other Stuff

First, I must state that economic wealth should definitely not be the only way to evaluate a country's social structure. Why not look at other aspects such as, religion, ethnicity, or level of education? Some may argue that by looking at a group's economic standing, the aforementioned aspects could also be determined, but this leaves room for error, since there are always exceptions. Some of the least educated citizens could actually make part of a pool of the wealthiest.

Second, I must agree that a society that works to lessen the gap between the rich and the poor is a healthy society. Governments that worry about poverty issues are usually the ones that spend much money on increasing welfare or social programs that benefit the needy through other means such as, educational reforms or financial aid that allows students to receive a higher education. So what exactly does this treatment of the needy mean? It shows that society cares. It shows that there are people concerned with the well-being of their constituents and it shows that everyone can benefit from their country no matter what their economic means are.

It can be argued that all these programs that are created to aid the less economically wealthy could just be a way for a society to push its own personal agenda. Say for example, a government spends money to increase educational programs in areas where education is not successful, therefore more kids get involved in school and go to college. Though it's great for a government to be so caring and kind to those who need it, their personal agenda for this whole educational movement was actually to increase the number of people getting a higher education so that their economic means could improve and could therefore have extra cash to spend in the economy. (I really hope this is making sense.) However, one can hold a personal agenda and still be able to benefit others. So yes, the way the poor are treated is a good way to determine how healthy a society is.

QUEENLY DRAG QUEENS

So. . . I went to a drag queen race this past Tuesday. Yeah. Before people start thinking that cars raced down DC, stop that thought. I mean a drag race as in men dressed up as women (and ridiculously high stilettos) and ran down 17th St. in Dupont (in their ridiculously high stilettos). Though it was a rainy night, the event was still awesome and I can say that it was one of the best events I have attended so far in DC. I must admit that people can get really creative in this city, from the Rainbow Brite drag queen to the person dressed up as the Washington Monument complete with red shining lights, all the costumes were amazing.

The queens first paraded down 17th. They strutted their stuff, posed for pictures, blew kisses to the crowd, you know, the usual queenly stuff. I was part of the cheering crowd that marveled at the creativity of the costumes and I was also one of the ones that cringed with some awkwardness when I saw some of the "edgy" costumes that some guys tried to pull off (like a guy who wore cowboy chaps and showed a LOT of skin, I'll leave the rest to your imagination). Anyway, I hate to think like Goffman, but for this event I must. You see, every single drag queen created a sort of persona that played with the receiving audience. Therefore, they controlled what impressions they left upon the audience. The Marylin Monroe drag queen strutted down the street (with a guy wearing a JKF mask holding up an umbrella for her) and acted in a regal way, meanwhile people in the audience cheered her on and yelled "Go Marilyn". People actually played and acted as if this man was actually Marilyn Monroe. It was pretty funny.

However, I also fell victim to the belief that the characters being portrayed were real. When the race was over and we were heading back, I ran into Rachel Maddow. . . drag queen Rachel Maddow. If you don't know, Rachel Maddow is an MSNBC news anchor. My encounter with Rachel Maddow went something like this:

"Oh my gosh! Guys, it's Rachel Maddow."

Rachel (remember, this is the drag queen we're talking about) responded like this:

"Sweetie come here and take a picture with me!"

She then grabbed me by the arm and we took a picture which hopefully I have posted correctly. I will admit that at the moment I met "Rachel" I seriously thought I was talking to the actual Rachel Maddow. To add to my embarrassment, I seriously considered asking for an autograph (I am so lame). Except that I forgot one thing, Rachel Maddow is a woman, and a woman that does not wear that ridiculous amount of makeup. Still, I fell victim to the theatrics.

Wow, I just realized how long this post is.

Personal Worldly Bubbles

An individual is someone who thinks for his or herself. This means that their ideas are their own, they may listen to outside opinions and thoughts, but in the end, the opinions that that individual creates are crafted in an independent way free of outer influences. In other words, an individual's thoughts are produced by that person itself, their beliefs or ideas are not forced upon them. Some may argue that there are certain thoughts that may have not been thought of "independently". For example, religion, some people that consider themselves independent individuals may have had their religion since birth. However, those who are of free-will accept that they have a choice over their beliefs, just because one was handed-down a belief does not mean that they cannot question or re-assert themselves later on in life.

So why is being an individual not socially viable? For one, being an individual could mean wanting to live in your own "personal worldly bubble". This means that as people become individuals, they could tend to become less receptive of other people's opinions or thoughts, therefore becoming less receptive of others and withdrawing themselves from a community of people. A withdrawn individual is created.

But what is even worse than being a withdrawn individual? Living in traditional forms. Traditional forms could mean completely submerging oneself in a community, risking one's sense of independence and individualism. People could begin to think alike, with less variation and being in danger of becoming close-minded. So is community a bad thing? I think there has to be a balance between being your own person and belonging. You can't completely live in your own atmosphere because then you interact and impact others less, but you can't live completely with others because then one runs the risk of losing individuality and independence (and this is not a good thing).

Hope this makes sense. Maybe this is what Bellah meant or not, either way, anyone can make his or her own inferences, correct?

Putting a Stop to the Excuses

I have to admit that out of all the speakers that have come to our class so far, Dr. Kerwin has been the best one. For being an image of success and perseverance, he talked in a very humbling yet inspirational tone. His message was a simple one, that I'm pretty sure many of us have heard and possibly live by (I know I do), and that was that if you want something, go get it. The only obstacle you will ever face when wanting to get something, is yourself. When Dr. Kerwin first said this, I struggled to suppress a rolling of the eyes. It sounded so cliched and like something you would find on one of those posters pasted around my high school cafeteria or library. You know which ones, the ones that say something inspirational like "Courage" and then have a very inspirational picture on them. The message is so simple (and a little corny) but behind it lies so much power, if only one is willing to accept it. Living with no obstacles means living with no excuses. It means that if one wants something then just go get it, don't let anything hold you back.

There have been many times when I have wanted something, but I end up not getting it because I let fear dominate me, or I would make excuses like "Oh, I'll do it tomorrow" when really, I was just making excuses so that I would not have to face a challenge for fear of failing. Yet I've learned to hate regret, it's probably one of the worst feelings in the world. But for me, this is precisely why regret happens, because I allow myself to become my own obstacle, I deny myself the things that I want and wish for. However, ever since my arrival at AU, I have had my uncomfortable moments. At first, I thought that I was just learning how to adapt to a new environment, but since last Friday's class, I now understand that feeling uncomfortable is just a sign that I am finally fighting for what it is that I want. No excuses, no fears.

That Ant Colony You Always Wanted

First, one must define community. After all the discussions regarding “community”, I have concluded that a community must be composed of individuals that share common interests. However, a common interest is not the only condition, it can also consist of members that regularly interact with each other. Also, there must be communication between members of a community in order for a sense of unity to be created.

So is AU a community? Yes.

AU is a large community composed of smaller communities. For one, the people that live in residence halls, that’s a community. They share a common characteristic which is that they all live in a similar place. For example, the residents of Leonard Hall are a community because they all have a similar living area. Not only that, but they also have an open means of communication. Every day, they see each other either in their assigned hallways and say greet each other. Or they communicate through floor activities like floor dinners of meetings. Their common interest? Well, they are all interested in receiving an education from AU.

However, AU is not only composed of residence hall communities, it is also composed of educational and interest communities. The student body is divided into groups of similar educational focuses, whether that be SPA, SIS, CAS, or any other group, they have all become communities with a shared focus. There are also extracurricular groups where the student can choose which community to become part of. All these groups interact with each other throughout campus, therefore creating the greater community of AU.

If you were to look at AU, I guess we would look like a little ant colony (hence, my blog title). Everyone doing their job, but at the same time being part of a greater community.

Timely Routines

WHOA!! I was just looking at my calendar (counting down the day 'til Christmas, I absolutely love Christmas) and realized that Halloween is just 13 days away. Where has the time gone? With classes, homework, a job, and just life all around, it seems as if time just disappears and leaves you to wonder where it went. It seems that a common theme in the reflections this week is homesickness. I'm not going to lie, I will admit that I have suffered my cases of homesickness, but after much thinking I have realized that what I miss the most are routines. Routines that I had established, like getting home, watching tv, eating dinner, and then doing homework. I now understand that it's little things like this that I miss. However, there's always room for new routines in college.

Overall, routines are just a way to pass time. I think this is why I have become so interested in the holidays, I see them as intervals of during which time can be measured so that days go by faster. And the faster days go by, the faster I can get home and see my family.

Dislikes and Future Selfs

So Mary Hansen was okay. What really surprised me and I must admit greatly admired from her, was that she immediately sat down to talk with us. Presenters that have come to the class usually stand and deliver their lectures however, Mrs. Hanson immediately sat herself down and asked us what it was that we wanted to talk about it. I really admired that. She let us direct the conversation to our specific thoughts and ideas. Not many lecturers that I know have ever subjected their conversations to the will of a group of college freshmen. It takes courage to do something like that, to not follow a plan and just go with the flow, especially if you're the main speaker.

Though she gave advice that I had heard before, like "don't expect your life to follow a plan that you've laid out for it", she said something that I had never thought of. She said that in order to find what it is that we are passionate for, we must also find our dislikes. It makes sense. I mean, what if we become so focused on finding the things we like, that we completely forget to be more spontaneous and willing to try something new? And if we lose this spontaneity, could we possibly be missing out on opportunities to discover something that we could have loved to do? It was a very interesting thought. She was asking us to step out of our comfort zone and to realize that though we may be enamored with an idea that we hope to one day become, we must accept that every day is a struggle to define yourself and a struggle to let go of this vision of our future selves. For all we know, this vision that we hold for ourselves may be blinding us from other choices and options that we must take.

On the Absence of Innocence

While watching “Children of Men” I was horrified at the cruelty that human beings demonstrated to each other. But what worried me even more was how apathetic some people were about this violence. For example, when Theo gets “kidnapped” while he’s walking in a random street, there are people that see him get pushed into the van however; those people that see him disappear only continue to walk as if nothing had happened, without any sense of alarm. That’s when I really began to worry, violence between people is scary, but being indifferent about it is what is even more disturbing.

One of the questions that this movie raises is a very haunting one. After seeing this movie I couldn’t help but mull over the question, if a world crisis were to happen, would people try to help each other through it, or would they selfishly close themselves up (like Britain did) and only look after themselves? I hope it’s not the latter. I’m someone who believes that in all occurrences, the kindness of human beings will always shine. Yet this movie made me question my idea. Is there ever a point where kindness stops and the human instinct to survive takes over? And if the human instinct to survive takes over, does kindness cease, or would we all still watch over each other? These are some questions that have been popping into my head since Wednesday.

One problem I did have with this movie is that some of the logic behind it seemed flawed. Or maybe I missed some point in the movie or something. The idea that the world would go into chaos because there are no more children being born doesn’t make sense. How can the world just break down because of this? I guess the idea of civilization ceasing to exist is crazy, but would it really cause a global breakdown? The only thing I could think of is that maybe with the absence of children, men would forget what innocence is. For example, in the scene where the soldiers are firing, they immediately lower their guns at the sight of the baby. Maybe they were reminded of how innocent and fragile a new human being can be. Maybe that’s what led to that global chaos, the failure to recall the definition of innocence.

Anyway, I hope these thoughts made some sense.

Differences and Interest Levels

If Augustine would have written his memoir as a novel, I will admit that I would have read it with more enthusiasm. However, I don’t think his arguments would have come across so clearly. In fictional memoirs situations are presented in which their meaning is not fully interpreted until the reader has gained more insight later on. Therefore, one cannot truly grasp exactly what is the meaning of a certain situation. For example, in "Invisible Man" an event happens (like Mr. Norton’s reaction to Trueblood’s account) where the narrator doesn’t explain to the reader why this event is of importance. Because the narrator is not there to intervene and explain occurrences, the reader is left to continue reading and extricate the importance of situations and find patterns to understand what it is that the narrator wants you to realize about occurrences. Yet in "Confessions", Augustine presented his situations (like the stealing of the pears) and then proceeded to explain why this situation was so important in his life.

As a reader, I like to be challenged and figure things out on my own. Therefore I like that Ellison presented this story as a novel. With "Confessions" I felt as if I was being “spoon-fed” Augustine’s ideas without being allowed much room for self-thought. But with Ellison, I am allowed to ponder upon what it is that Ellison wants us to understand and I am given much freedom to come up with my own conclusions.

If Ellison would have written under a non-fictional memoir then I think I would have still read with interest (because some of the moments in the book are pretty interesting) but I don’t think I would have read with much curiosity. What I mean is that I wouldn’t have been as interested in his story. This may sound bad but I would have seen it as just another guy writing in a straight-forward way about his life. The difference is that my interest levels would have been lowered.

Monuments, Temples, & a Little Bit of Baseball

Last Wednesday, when we went to go see the monuments, was so hot! It was really humid!! Anyways, just wanted to get that out of the way. I felt a little funny standing in the Lincoln Memorial considering that the last time that I had seen that monument in daylight was about six years ago. I really loved the Lincoln Memorial but with the Vietnam Memorial I was left a bit. . . disillusioned. It was very nice but I felt that the memorial shines even better at night. In the morning it looks so straightforward and formal. But at night, there's something so somber and I guess you can say almost majestic about the memorial. Granted, there was nothing majestic about that war. It's just that the black walls with the engraved names shine so beautifully at night with lights pointed at them. The names are accentuated and that's when you truly realize the vast amounts of people that perished in the war. Whereas in the morning, the light creates a glare in the wall that hides some of the names.

Going back to our class discussions on Friday, Prof. Jackson asked a question regarding the Lincoln Memorial that I came up with an answer for after class. We were talking about how the memorial created an identity of a sacred temple. Prof. Jackson then went to ask if there were any details that helped enforce that identity. I couldn't think of anything at that moment but it was later in the afternoon (in my Interpreting Literature class to be more precise) that I realized that there were two things that immediately struck me that helped re-inforce that idea of a temple and treating it as an almost sacred place. One, the signs placed at the entrance that asks visitors to be quiet and respectful while in the memorial. When I first saw this sign, I asked myself, why? Why have this sign placed here yet you don't see this sign placed on the WWII memorial? Shouldn't the WWII memorial also request for peace and quiet? Also, the Lincoln Memorial is one of the only memorials that I've seen that has security guards on duty 24/7. Why? Yet it's these two details that allow for the Lincoln Memorial to hold an essence of a sacred temple. It is because of them that tourists who enter whisper to each other and control their kids from running around all over the memorial; therefore, creating the mood that this place is one that should be treated in a sacred way.

I can't help but to also reflect on the Braves vs. Nationals game. I know that the Braves aren't the most amazing team, but man did they suck on Friday. I mean, sure they won the game and yes, maybe they weren't playing against the most amazing team, but still! They had so many foul balls and some players who couldn't hit the ball. I was very disappointed in them. They played a better game earlier this spring during their training. Maybe it just wasn't their day. I still had fun though, complete with good friends, fireworks, and getting criticized by the people behind me for cheering on the Braves and not the Nats. To them I say, it's a free country!

Statistical Disagreements and Other Random Stuff

If I were giving a lecture on how the demands of education are constantly changing and I wanted to put in my personal input, I don't think I'd have a whole entire slide show dedicated and titled "Me". Debra Humphrey's lecture was an interesting one but I have to admit that the opening slide show entitled "Me" came off a bit self-centered. But then again, it was her slideshow.


There were some things I liked and there were some things I didn't like. The fact that she had been a first-generation college student made her someone completely relatable. I absorbed her advice with a higher sense of trust because like her, I am also a first-generation college student. However, I wasn't a big fan of her shoving statistics everywhere she could. I don't know why, but I always feel that whenever someone throws a statistic they are trying to maneuver around their argument without facing certain truths. I guess it's that with statistics there's always the exceptions. For example, she stated that one could guess a student's SAT scores by just looking at their parent's income. Thus, the relation would show that the higher the income the higher the score. Yet I went to a high school where there weren't many wealthy students but we still had a high amount of National Merit Scholars every year; so would these students be the exception? I did like that she stated that dedication and work are important factors for success. I've always been an advocate of this concept. Talent can only take one so far, one would have to be willing to reach and work for the success they wish to attain.


Overall I was pleased with the presentation. I felt as if the message that Mrs. Humphrey was trying to send was that success is one of the possible outcomes of hard labor. Whereas Danna Walker's presentation seemed to portray the idea that success is an outcome of luck and strategy. I think I'd rather go through my life depending on my own strengths rather than the unpredictable path of luck.

The Essence of Memory and Past

The answer to me was actually quite obvious, no. I would not be myself if I could not remember my past. If my past were to be completely erased from my mind at this moment with it would go all memories, acquired education, lessons that were learned through mistakes, the impacts of the culture that I grew up in, and so many other experiences. All the things that have shaped and molded me into the person that I am today would be gone, leaving an empty shell with no identity. I guess it can also depend on a person's definition of identity. To me, identity is the composition of cumulative experiences that have shaped the way we presently act.

So if my memories and my past were to be erased I don't think I'd be me anymore. All my passions and interests would be completely gone leaving someone who doesn't know who she is and why it is that she dedicates herself to the things she does. That is just not me, I am not one that lives an unpassionate life. If you're someone who lives life routinely with no meaning, then maybe forgetting your past won't affect who you are. But for those who don't live their life just for the sake of living, then forgetting your past leads to forgetting meaning and therefore forgetting who it is that you are and what it is that you stand for.

The essence of "you" lies in your past because that is where everything that has brought you to this moment is contained. In the Alzheimer's article, the narrator's mother suffers from this disease which causes her short-term memory to deteriorate. However, her mother remembers certain routines that she had, like attending mass everyday at noon. This deatil was quite stricking. However, I don't consider routines as a part of yourself. Sure they're habits that you've grown accustomed to, but should these "routines" be a definition of yourself? I don't think so. So as the mind and memory deteriorate, so does your past therefore robbing you of who it is that you are.